One Is The Lonliest Number: Chapter 6

I started packing that night and waited for my dad to come home. When he came home, Lacy and him talked about it. He told me I was going. I didn't know how to respond to all of this. I was devastated and confused. Was I really being kicked out at fifteen? I didn't have anywhere to go. My mom was still out of town and I was going to be alone. I had this trunk from all of our moves and here I was, packing it again. All of my belongings fit into this one trunk. My freshman year was just ending and I had no idea what was going to happen next.

The only place I had to go was to Mamacita's apartment. My dad dropped me off and I will never forget asking him this, "when can I com home dad?". He didn't have an answer for me. I imagine this not being easy for my dad. I don't think he wanted to take custody of us just to see me go. For the first time in all of this, I wanted my dad. I didn't want him to go. I didn't want to be left there. I was starting to get my life together. I had stability and structure. I wasn't smoking or drinking or talking to boys. I was on the straight and narrow and I was happy. The first night at Mamacita's, her kids and I sat in a circle on the bed and passed around a joint and a bottle of tequila. I became so sick and thought I was going to die. I passed out on the bathroom floor in tears.

At first, staying at Mamacita's was like a vacation. It was summer time so it didn't seem so permanent. Eventually, my mom got a house together on nineteenth avenue and Northern with her new boyfriend Chris. Everything was great. We had the family together. The kids were with us for the summer and life was okay. Chris had a son also that came to stay with us occasionally. This kid was a redhead and he had the worst temper I had ever seen! I had to babysit here and there throughout the summer and it was hell.

My mom was still dancing of course and Chris had just lost his job. Money was starting to get tight and we didn't have a vehicle until the very end of the summer. My mom was having trouble paying the bills so she stopped paying the rent. Then the electricity. All we had was gas and water. The pool we had been using at the beginning of the summer was starting to turn green because we had no electricity to clean it. The house was slowly turning into a dump. We kept everything in a cooler and we didn't eat anything that was perishable, unless we just bought it. That meant that myself and my sister right below me were walking a mile to the grocery store every day in the one hundred and twenty degree heat. We would go buy groceries and ice every single day. If there was any change leftover her and I would go to McDonald's and get an ice cream cone in secret.

At night, it was so hot. I tried sleeping outside by the pool where it was slightly cooler. I was attacked by mosquito's in my sleep and was miserable for a few weeks. We took cold showers and never used covers at night. It was not the best living conditions and it wasn't our best summer. At the end of it, my dad came and got the kids. My mom decided to hit the road with Chris and his new, used truck. They lived out of that for a while when my mom was dancing in New Mexico. She told me I could come along. That would mean dropping out of high school and living out of a truck with her and her crazy boyfriend. No thanks. I asked my dad if I was allowed home yet and that was still a no.

I contacted my old neighbor, from the house we lived in with my dad when he first took custody of us, and asked her family if I could live with them. They said yes and off I went. They were in the same school district and area for me to continue going to the high school I started out at. Although, I am grateful for having a roof over my head at any time, living with them was miserable. I never felt at home, I never felt comfortable, I missed my family. I would get to talk to them here and there and I would just cry. I would cry myself to sleep at night often. Taking them away from me was the worst punishment Lacy could have ever given to me. We were a team, we were together through it all and she broke us up. I never wanted to forgive her for that.

I would try and be at my friends house's as often as possible so I wouldn't have to go home to this family I was miserable around. My friend David and I would hang out and toss the ball around in his backyard or play video games. I was inserting myself into my friends lives so I could feel a part of a family for a little bit. I am thankful for friends like him.

I met another friend, from J.R.O.T.C. that year. Ya, I was the dork on campus wearing a uniform every Tuesday. I loved it though. It gave me a sense of purpose and I was thriving in this class. I met friends in that class that changed my life forever. Jose, was one of them. I would walk home with him after school and hang out with his family so I wouldn't have to go home. His family took me in and made me one of their own. They offered to let me live with them, and I jumped on that so fast you could have seen the dust whip up off of my heels. I moved my things in and I had a home. My dad was still in the picture at this point. He was giving the families I lived with fifty bucks a week to help with food or clothes.

I loved being a part of this family. It was so comfortable because there was so many of them. I was used to the big family atmosphere and it was familiar and safe. The best part about this family was not just that Jose's mom and sister and Tata took me in, but the ENTIRE family did. Tia's, Tio's, and everybody in between. I was officially family. I was not alone anymore. I was surrounded and I was happy.

My dad ended up separating from Lacy and got his own place not too far from where I was staying. I moved back in with him and my siblings. We jumped right back into the swing of things as a family. I started working at the beginning of the summer and was gone most of the time. I would help my dad out with money and around the house. We had a system and we were a team.

Prior to Lacy kicking me out, we were in church and we were very involved. I became very close with the youth pastor. I would help him with basketball clinics and I would spend time with his family and other girls from our youth group. They used to braid my hair, we would eat well together, and it was a strong fellowship. When Lacy kicked me out, I obviously stopped going to the church she went to. The youth pastor kept in contact with me and when we moved in with my dad he would come to the house and talk with me.

His methods were strange, but I never thought to second guess them because I really trusted him. I would lay on the couch and close my eyes, and he would rub my feet while we talked. I never questioned it. I would beg my sister to talk to him and be open with somebody. She is not the type of person to open up to a lot of people. She finally agreed. I remember driving to work in a co workers car and I remember that phone call. She was hysterical and told me just to come home please. We flipped the car around and sped to my house. When I got there she came outside and hugged me like she had never hugged me before. I went inside and he was there by the kitchen sink washing his hands. He started trying to stand up for himself but he was falling over his words. She came outside again and told me what happened.

While her eyes were closed, he was rubbing himself on her feet. I was disgusted. I felt sick and so responsible for what happened. I told him to leave, that my sister did not make things up and I believed her over him. This guy had the nerve to call our house and try to talk to me. He tried to convince me he didn't do anything wrong. I didn't even know what to say, but she did. She told him off! She was so brave and I wasn't brave enough for her. I felt so bad. It was one thing that it happened to me. It was a tragedy that I put my sister in that position. She didn't want to tell my dad what happened. I told her it was her choice but I thought that she should. She did. My dad walked in the door and we told him and he walked right back out. He handled it with the church and we put it behind us. I never saw my sister so strong before. I realized I wasn't the only one in the family that was holding us together.

It was around this same time that I met my first love. I was head over heels and he loved me back. Puppy love was an understatement, I was in love.