My New Identity:Chapter 3

Up until this point I have been Mariko Mie Yamashita my entire life. I have always been called "Miss Boo Boo", because of my affinity for climbing on counters and having no idea how to get down other than face plant it, or "Boops", short for "Miss Boo Boo". It wasn't until my first day of seventh grade, at my new middle school, that I became a new person. In North Phoenix the seventh and eighth graders had their very own school before high school. I will never forget first period, computer class, when I changed who I was. The teacher was going around taking attendance and said, "if anyone has a nickname that they go by, let me know when I call your name". My last name starts with a "Y" so, I had plenty of time to come up with a nickname. I thought to myself, "here's my chance to change my stupid name". Now-a-days, I wish I would have stuck with my first name. It is so original and cultured. But, growing up I was, "Mario", "Miracle Whip", "where's Luigi?!?". I was over the name calling and wanted a new start. One of the benefits of moving so much, was that nobody knew me at all. I was the new girl, I was a clean slate. As she started closer to my name, I felt my heart beating fast, my palms getting sweaty, and my nerves sinking in the pit of my stomach. This was it, I was going to do it. I'm changing my name. "Mar-ri-ko Yama-she-ta?" To which I replied, "Mie". I come to find out, she meant, if your name was "Michael" and your preferred "Mikey", let her know. Oops.

I came home after school that day, still trying to adjust to my new name, and told my mom what I had done. My mom being the accepting woman that she is said, "ok Mie". It really didn't take that long for everyone in my family to adjust to it. That's how my family is though. They are very accepting and understanding. With a mom like ours, nothing was really "taboo". So, I'm this new girl named Mie and now all I had to was start the introductions.

I met this girl Jamie in my neighborhood. Her and I hit it off! Besties, BFF's, sisters, whatever you want to call it, we were. We did everything together. She shared all her clothes with me, because mine were all from thrift stores. We would go to the park, go to Kyoto Bowl, go swimming, we were inseparable. She was also a smoker so we had that in common too. Jamie went to the other middle school in our area, so she was my only friend really. I hadn't quite made friends at my school yet, except for a couple of boys, and she was the only girl friend that I had. As much time as we spent together, it still wasn't as much as the kids at school.

So, now I'm at this school, where none of the girls want to be my friend. I mean no one wanted to be my friend. I started becoming really mean. My mom would tell me, "if you want to have friends, you have to be a friend." Screw that mom, these girls teased me every day. I will never forget this girl Melissa offering me a Teddy Graham on the bus one day. I considered this a gesture of friendship, so I said, "yes please!". Big mistake. This girl rubbed that delicious morsel of friendship on the bus floor and shoved it in my mouth. I was humiliated. Everyone was laughing at me and I wanted nothing more than to jump out of a moving bus window. It took everything in me not to cry and show them anymore vulnerability. From that point on I didn't make any girl friends at the school.

This is where my life took a turn for the worst. My mom was always very open with us about everything, sex included. I had a good idea of what all of that was and what it meant. I always told myself I would be a virgin until I was married and I really believed that. Seventh grade isn't the ideal time for a girl to loser her virginity. Don't worry, I didn't have sex at this point. It was much worse than that. I didn't really know what self respect was at the time, because I was so involved in getting my boobs. What a power that was at thirteen! I mean seriously, all the older boys wanted to be my "friends".

Now, the boys at my school wanted to be my friend too. I couldn't think of any way better to get back at all the popular girls, than to be the girl that the guys they liked wanted. I would wear low cut shirts, booty shorts, anything provocative. No make up yet. I wasn't into that. This brought a lot of attention and I was all for it. I turned myself into a "hoe" without having any sort of experience except for a couple make out sessions in the good ol' game of "spin the bottle". The rumors started flying around about me. I was a "slut", "whore", "hoe", fill in degrading name here "__________", and that's what I was. I can't not take a lot of blame for that. I put together that image and they put the name on it. With all those rumors, all the guys wanted to see if there was any truth. I was a prude! I didn't know about "bj's" and such. I was so oblivious to any of that.

I eventually started dating a boy name Doug. Looking back at things, he was really unattractive, but all the girls liked him so I went for it. We held hands and sent notes and all that gushy stuff, but nothing serious of course. That was until one day he suggested I come over and we take it to the next base. Me and my being so eager please all the time, thought it was a great idea. I walked over to his house and was so nervous and unsure. I just did what he suggested. I had found out what a "bj" meant that day and felt so disgusting afterwards. It's hard to believe that I just typed that. I have never even told anyone about this before.

After that day, the rumors that were becoming true, also became overwhelming. I was teased, pointed at, and shunned by every girl in that school. Even teachers were looking at me funny. I had to get out of there, it was so miserable. I finally convinced my mom to switch me out of that school into the school where Jamie went. I was so relieved and excited to get another chance at my middle school years. Things just got worse though. I was on a spiral of self destruction! I could not stop myself from all of the negative attention. The older neighbor boys wanted to by my boyfriends now, they had cars and weed and cigarettes. It was so enticing and I had no strength whatsoever to say no. I had become this disgusting girl. I had no shame now. I was creating my identity and owning it.

So, there I was. A sleaze at fourteen. This new school was only different because all the girls were doing the same thing I was. We were just a bunch of hussies. I was more involved than I had ever imagined. I was known for being experienced and fighting. Jamie was more of a fighter than I was. She wouldn't get in near as much trouble as I would for fighting. My mom loved to ground me at that age. If I was grounded, she had a built in babysitter.

Besides my school life being a tornado, I still had my home life. There was so much going on all the time. My mom and Brian divorced only a year into their marriage. I still don't know the reason why, but it ended and my mom was devastated. She did not come out of her room for anything, unless she was going to work. She would come home from work drunk and myself or my sister below me would undress her, put her in her pj's, and get her a warm glass of milk. She said it helped her sleep. My mom always said she couldn't strip unless she was drunk. Her job was stripping, so she was drunk often.

This lead to a couple run ins with the police. She got two D.U.I's in 1 month. I remember the weekend of her second D.U.I. like it was yesterday. I stayed home from my dad's that weekend and that night I was waiting for my mom to get home from work. She would normally get out of the club a little after two and be home around three a.m. This night she did not come home. I started freaking out. I couldn't get a hold of her on her cell. I called this oompa loompa looking character she was dating at the time and he hadn't heard from her either. I knew something had gone wrong. She finally called me from jail and told me what was going on. I was instructed to call wee man and tell him to go get her out of jail. I made her promise to come home. I was there by myself and just wanted my mom. She never came home that night. She didn't contact me until the afternoon. I was so hurt and I let her know it when she finally came home. I would scold my mother when she was being irresponsible. Sometimes I felt like her mother.

That put a lot of responsibility on my sister and I. We called the three youngest the "little kids", and they were our children. We did everything for them. We made sure their chores were done, we made sure their homework was done, we disciplined them when they were bad, and we held them through their cries. We were parents. We used to do these surveys for a lady that would come to our house. They were just surveys about what teenagers were actually doing these days, and she would pay us twenty dollars each. I also babysat families in the neighborhood so I always had a little money on me. I would use that money to buy candy or things for the kids. Sometimes my mom would need the money to buy her alcohol so she could go to work that night. One time, my sister and I pooled our money to get Christmas presents because all we had was the tree.

When my mom would leave for work at night, I would sneak out to go to the neighbor boys house across the street. They always had a party going on in their basement. I was so low I would show my chest for drinks and cigarettes. I didn't ever stop to think how low I had stooped. I was living two lives at this time in my life. I was a mother by day and a hussy by night. Jamie and I would send notes back and forth to each other at school about things we wanted to do when the bell rang. We would talk about things we did too. One day, my mom found those notes and my whole life was exposed. She called my father and he read them all too. In those notes, I talked about the disgusting things I had done with guys and the weed I smoked and cigarettes I smoked and the booze I drank. I was completely put out for the whole world to see. I couldn't deny anything, lying was another one of my charming traits I had acquired, I was forced to come clean.

This was another very humiliating experience in my life. Talking with my mother about this stuff was one thing, but with my father, yikes. I couldn't look him in the face. I was so embarrassed! I couldn't even make the words come out right about what I had done with guys. 

After all that had happened, it didn't take much longer for Jamie and I not to be friends anymore. We had a blow out argument and our friendship was over. I was back to being the loner girl again. Then I met Christopher Ross Olsen. My, oh my, was I in love. He would buy me goldfish and as strange as that sounds, it was so romantic. He was loved by my family and especially my mother. My mom was really into this pyramid scheme called liberty league and we had to pass out flyers in major parking lots for her. Chris would come along and help and he was the KING of putting flyers on windshields. Ya, sorry, we were those annoying people that put papers under your wipers. I broke up with Chris eventually, which was my biggest mistake in  my love life at that age, but he really helped change me around for the better.  We never did anything the other boys would ask me to do. He was just a great boyfriend and the sweetest guy you'll ever meet. Now he's a stud and is making the most of life.

I thought things were finally starting to change for me in life. I had a little bit more control of things going on. Once again, I was wrong. We had just received the news from our mother that we were being evicted. Again.